I am wondering, but of all the things that impact us in our lives, love, and the lack thereof, are the most powerful forces to impact upon us. Love is a special nourishment.
This is just off the top of my head; also, I’m not trying to be romantic, but is it not our family’s level of compassion, their degree of embrace that shapes our mental health, and even our physical health, and even our spiritual health? It certainly shapes our character.
When I see someone with depression, for instance, my first thoughts go to what his diet is like, or to get a read on his mineral profile, but it may be equally wise to learn about his upbringing. How was he cared for? The effects of loving kindness can be profound on digestion and sleep, the production of neurotransmitters, wound healing, and there are even epigenetic effects that can be signaled from nurturing behaviors of a family. And the reverse also has profound effects.
But if it is his upbringing through which depression has taken root what then? One must learn to give love and care to himself, and to practice forgiveness.
Lee Cowden, an excellent doctor and teacher, once pointed out in a lecture that the average person growing up hears one hundred “No”s to every one “Yes”. Now obviously many of those “No”s were well founded, “Don’t touch that hot stove,” some less so, “You’re not able to do that,” and perhaps some statements that were actually mean spirited, or cold and indifferent. When we take in the entirety of youth and the various characters, teachers, relatives, friends, classmates, store clerks, police officers, doctors, and television personalities we received numerous directives until our vision begins to narrow. So just take a minute and look carefully around you at your prescribed path, and all the “No”s you have learned not to see…
I remember when my relatives came to visit me from the country. My two younger cousins, my aunt and I took a walk in my affluent, suburban neighborhood. We were walking on the sidewalk on the way to the park when my cousins caught sight of a tree they’d like to climb in some random person’s front yard, which they did, shouting, arguing, and playing all the way. At the time I was embarrassed by them, and I remember I looked down on them; after all, what they had done was a clear “No” in my community. You don’t just go walking on to someone’s property you don’t know and climb their tree, but upon reflection I see how domesticated I had been made already. Somewhere deep down I think I was a little jealous, and a little alarmed that they had so effortlessly broke a social more. I knew my path was the sidewalk, and an internal wall had been erected to guide my behavior. And maybe it’s for the better in that case. I’m not here to contemplate the morality of property or societal pressures. I’m just trying to illustrate the behavioral and emotional impact directives. We swim in a sea of legal statutes and social obligations/expectations, and as the good doctor above mentioned on average it’s 100 to 1 “No”. (As a side note, this could be one reason why it is easy for a youth to succumb to peer pressure. It is a way of saying yes)
One of doctor Cowden’s solutions to this disparity is to create a journal of positive statements. Write down “Yes”s for yourself each day. Positive statements about yourself, or things you are proud you accomplished that day. As a corollary to this journalling technique doctor Cowden suggests to write down every “No” that occurred that day first on one page, then tear it out of the journal and rip it up or burn it, then continue on with the positives. He argues, and I think it is a sound point, that the subconscious responds to the action of discarding the “No”s by releasing a bit of that charge from the bioenergetic system. It’s important to do this until you finally get back to equal.
Another technique is the inner smile meditation as taught by Mantak Chia and others. The technique is simple yet powerful. The aim is to deliberately direct the sensation of your own smile throughout your body giving yourself compassion and kindness.
There are for certain a wide range of quality meditations for the very purpose of bringing love to oneself. I would suggest the heartfulness meditation as an excellent one, but certainly there are others.
Lastly practicing forgiveness is vital for healing. I’m not sure I fully understand why, but it releases a powerful charge of trapped bioenergy. How? well, I don’t have a slick method, but I would say to get yourself into a state of relaxation, and then start saying, “I forgive,” followed by whatever comes to mind, and repeat it as many times as it feels right, and over as many things as it feels like you want to release. Do it often. You will need too. We all need to.
Most of all remember to forgive yourself. You deserve it. We really do need to nourish ourselves with compassion. It’s to our great benefit, but it’s always the last thing we want to do. To some it feels weak and foolish, to others it feels like too much of an investment of time, but for the most part I think we are just scared to honestly reflect on ourselves and see who we really are. I think we don’t love ourselves and it hurts to face that. We’ve heard too many “No”s and it distorts our expectation of what we ought to be.
But I say Yes! I say Yes! to myself, and Yes! to you. We are worthy of compassion and respect.
The healing nourishment of love begins with you.
Principle Vitality 